Have you been feeling that your partner is too loud, he or she irritates you even by their ‘loud breathing’?.
That they don’t help you with the chores as much as you would like? That they are spending way too much time on screens. And you feel angry at them and yourself? They don’t know what you want at all! Since lockdown, you have started noticing each and every little thing they do wrong. You have had countless arguments, it almost feels like it is all just a big argument for nothing at all!
During this period of lock down we are feeling a lot of things, amongst which anger, anxiety, and sadness are just a few emotions. And why won’t we feel that? It is a big change, we are locked down in our own homes, it is a big change from being the free birds that we generally are.
We are in the same surroundings, each hour of every day. This itself ought to bring up frustrations. Which is completely normal. But needs to be worked on.
There have been a magnified increase in the number of divorces during this time, through out the world. So what is the solution to keep your relation ship healthy and flourishing during these times.
Here are few:
Tone down the criticism and nagging: no one wants to hear how wrong they are, way too many times. So instead of telling them what they did wrong, or what they didn’t do at all, tell them what they did good. And how it helped you. Appreciate them for just being there even if they did not do anything, a little appreciation goes a long way in positive reinforcement. And remember that so many out there are spending this lock down all alone without anyone to share it with.
Ask what is wrong instead of charging into a defensive argument: stressful situations like this can bring out a lot of past problems to surface. The coping strategies we use are different from each other, depending on the coping mechanism we have learned in the past. They can be healthy or unhealthy. So be curious and ask your partner, what is triggering them. Make a rule of listening when anyone talks, and let each other finish their sentences. Remember to listen effectively.
Ponder before you say something: understand that your partner might feel bad about what you have said and remember to mind your ‘non-verbals’ often we take it for granted that our partner knows what we mean and what we don’t! But in these testing times the old rules may not apply. Hence paying attention to the sensitivity. Think before you speak something and the way you say it! If you think it is good to discuss but might hurt your partner. Then have an open and respectful discussion.
Make a ‘no shouting’ rule in the house: remember, when we shout at people, we are already being disrespectful and hurting them. But anger tends to do that to us, most of us don’t know how to communicate effectively hence we retort to shouting our opinions. So Pledge to be nice to each other no matter what.
Make and respect boundaries: try to respect each other’s space, ask the person if it is a good time to talk or if they had a minute to help you. It would help both of you respect each other’s boundaries and set a time for anything that needs attention and reduce the tension arising from the intrusion of space.
Use time out for your fight and reschedule it: any one person during the fight can call a time out. And then according to your connivance schedule a time for the fight. Chances are that you will have a reasonable discussion or realize that the fight was about trivial matters.
Make time or schedule alone time: it is necessary for a person to be mindful of their own being and feelings right now. It is a good time to be aware of what you are and what is triggering you. So with simply putting aside 15-20 minutes for yourself and practicing mindfulness exercises.
